Deutsches Keksi
Bastard Operator from Hell Excuses:
User to computer ration too low
Art:
The Great Movie Posters:
*A Giggle Gurgling Gulp of Glee*
With Pretty Girls, Peppy Scenes, and Gorgeous Revues -- plus a good story.
-- Tea with a Kick (1924)
Whoopie! Let's go!... Hand-picked Beauties doing cute tricks!
GET IN THE KNOW FOR THE HEY-HEY WHOOPIE!
-- The Wild Party (1929)
YOU HEAR HIM MAKE LOVE!
DIX -- the dashing soldier!
DIX -- the bold adventurer!
DIX -- the throbbing lover!
-- The Wheel of Life (1929)
SEE CHARLES BUTTERWORTH DRIVE A STREETCAR AND SING LOVE
SONGS TO HIS MARE "MITZIE"!
-- The Night is Young (1934)
work:
The time spent on any item of the agenda [of a finance committee] will be
in inverse proportion to the sum involved.
-- C.N. Parkinson
hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy:
"`What's been happening here?' he demanded.
`Oh just the nicest things, sir, just the nicest things.
can I sit on your lap please?'"
"`Colin, I am going to abandon you to your fate.'
`I'm so happy.'"
"`It will be very, very nasty for you, and that's just too
bad. Got it?'
`I gurgle with pleasure.'"
- Ford and Colin the robot.
futurama:
Leela: Hey, you know what might be a hoot?
Professor: No. Why would I know that?
drugs:
I wish you were a Scotch on the rocks.
cookie:
It is not well to be thought of as one who meekly submits to insolence and
intimidation.
definitions:
Automobile, n.:
A four-wheeled vehicle that runs up hills and down pedestrians.
computers:
Real Programs don't use shared text. Otherwise, how can they use functions
for scratch space after they are finished calling them?
calvin:
How many boards would the Mongols hoard if the Mongol hordes got bored?
-- Calvin
pets:
The difference between dogs and cats is that dogs come when they're
called. Cats take a message and get back to you.
humorix-misc:
Q: How many Microsoft vice presidents does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Eight. One to work the bulb, and seven to make sure that Microsoft gets $2
for every light bulb ever changed anywhere in the world.
paradoxum:
Why don't you pair `em up in threes? -Yogi Berra
literature:
In a museum in Havana, there are two skulls of Christopher Columbus,
"one when he was a boy and one when he was a man."
-- Mark Twain
humorists:
Humorists always sit at the children's table.
-- Woody Allen
medicine:
A CODE OF ETHICAL BEHAVIOR FOR PATIENTS:
7. PAY YOUR MEDICAL BILLS PROMPTLY AND WILLINGLY.
You should consider it a privilege to contribute, however modestly,
to the well-being of physicians and other humanitarians.
8. DO NOT SUFFER FROM AILMENTS THAT YOU CANNOT AFFORD.
It is sheer arrogance to contract illnesses that are beyond your means.
9. NEVER REVEAL ANY OF THE SHORTCOMINGS THAT HAVE COME TO LIGHT IN THE COURSE
OF TREATMENT BY YOUR DOCTOR.
The patient-doctor relationship is a privileged one, and you have a
sacred duty to protect him from exposure.
10. NEVER DIE WHILE IN YOUR DOCTOR'S PRESENCE OR UNDER HIS DIRECT CARE.
This will only cause him needless inconvenience and embarrassment.
riddles:
Q: What's the difference between Bell Labs and the Boy Scouts of America?
A: The Boy Scouts have adult supervision.
fortunes:
te.
simpsons chalkboard:
I WILL NOT BRIBE PRINCIPAL SKINNER
I WILL NOT BRIBE PRINCIPAL SKINNER
I WILL NOT BRIBE PRINCIPAL SKINNER
I WILL NOT BRIBE PRINCIPAL SKINNER
Bart Simpson on chalkboard in episode 8F03
bofh-excuses:
Dumb terminal
definitions:
Ballistophobia:
Fear of bullets;
Otophobia:
Fear of opening one's eyes.
Peccatophobia:
Fear of sinning.
Taphephobia:
Fear of being buried alive.
Sitophobia:
Fear of food.
Trichophobbia:
Fear of hair.
Vestiphobia:
Fear of clothing.
education:
OK, so you're a Ph.D. Just don't touch anything.
ethnic:
When a man is tired of London, he is tired of life.
-- Samuel Johnson
Food:
Anything that is good and useful is made of chocolate.
goedel:
Generic Fortune.
humorists:
The basic idea behind malls is that they are more convenient than cities.
Cities contain streets, which are dangerous and crowded and difficult to
park in. Malls, on the other hand, have parking lots, which are also
dangerous and crowded and difficult to park in, but -- here is the big
difference -- in mall parking lots, THERE ARE NO RULES. You're allowed to
do anything. You can drive as fast as you want in any direction you want.
I was once driving in a mall parking lot when my car was struck by a pickup
truck being driven backward by a squat man with a tattoo that said "Charlie"
on his forearm, who got out and explained to me, in great detail, why the
accident was my fault, his reasoning being that he was violent and muscular,
whereas I was neither. This kind of reasoning is legally valid in mall
parking lots.
-- Dave Barry, "Christmas Shopping: A Survivor's Guide"
humorix-stories:
If Microsoft uses the breakup as an opportunity to port Office, and its
infernal Dancing Paper Clip, to my Linux operating system, heads will fly!
I'll track down that idiot who created Clippit and sic a killer penguin on
him!
-- Linus Torvalds, when asked by Humorix for his reaction
to the proposed Microsoft two-way split
Kernel Newbies:
Step #1 in programming: understand people.
- Linus Torvalds on linux-kernel
Kids:
About the only thing we have left that actually discriminates in favor of
the plain people is the stork.
Knghtbrd:
c++: the power, elegance and simplicity of a hand grenade
Law:
We may not like doctors, but at least they doctor. Bankers are not ever
popular but at least they bank. Policeman police and undertakers take
under. But lawyers do not give us law. We receive not the gladsome light
of jurisprudence, but rather precedents, objections, appeals, stays,
filings and forms, motions and counter-motions, all at $250 an hour.
-- Nolo News, summer 1989
Linux Cookie:
Personally, I think my choice in the mostest-superlative-computer wars has to
be the HP-48 series of calculators. They'll run almost anything. And if they
can't, while I'll just plug a Linux box into the serial port and load up the
HP-48 VT-100 emulator.
(By jdege@winternet.com, Jeff Dege)
Linux:
| |-sshd---tcsh-+-dpkg-buildpacka---rules---sh---make---make---sh---make---sh---make---sh---make---sh---make---sh---make
-- While packaging XFree86 for Debian GNU/Linux
Literature:
Kiss me, Kate, we will be married o' Sunday.
-- William Shakespeare, "The Taming of the Shrew"
Love:
Timing must be perfect now. Two-timing must be better than perfect.
Magic:
It seems there's this magician working one of the luxury cruise ships
for a few years. He doesn't have to change his routines much as the audiences
change over fairly often, and he's got a good life. The only problem is the
ship's parrot, who perches in the hall and watches him night after night, year
after year. Finally, the parrot figures out how almost every trick works and
starts giving it away for the audience. For example, when the magician makes
a bouquet of flowers disappear, the parrot squawks "Behind his back! Behind
his back!" Well, the magician is really annoyed at this, but there's not much
he can do about it as the parrot is a ship's mascot and very popular with the
passengers.
One night, the ship strikes some floating debris, and sinks without
a trace. Almost everyone aboard was lost, except for the magician and the
parrot. For three days and nights they just drift, with the magician clinging
to one end of a piece of driftwood and the parrot perched on the other end.
As the sun rises on the morning of the fourth day, the parrot walks over to
the magician's end of the log. With obvious disgust in his voice, he snaps
"OK, you win, I give up. Where did you hide the ship?"
miscellaneous:
Slang is language that takes off its coat, spits on its hands, and goes to work.
News:
The most important service rendered by the press is that of educating
people to approach printed matter with distrust.
OS Fortune:
"Of course, in Perl culture, almost nothis is prohibited. My feeling is that the rest of the world already has plenty of perfectly good prohibitions, so why invent more?"
-- Larry Wall (Open Sources, 1999 O'Reilly and Associates)
People:
Laughter is the closest distance between two people.
-- Victor Borge
platitudes:
Small is beautiful.
-- Schumacher's Dictum
Perl:
Perhaps they will have to outlaw sending random lists of words. fee fie
foe foo [sic]
-- Larry Wall in <199710311916.LAA19760@wall.org>
Science:
Got Mole problems? Call Avogadro at 6.02 x 10^23.
Politics:
I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World
War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.
-- Albert Einstein
Songs & Poems:
Oh, I am a C programmer and I'm okay
I muck with indices and structs all day
And when it works, I shout hoo-ray
Oh, I am a C programmer and I'm okay
Sports:
San Francisco has always been my favorite booing city. I don't mean the
people boo louder or longer, but there is a very special intimacy. When
they boo you, you know they mean *you*. Music, that's what it is to me.
One time in Kezar Stadium they gave me a standing boo.
-- George Halas, professional football coach
Zippy:
Clear the laundromat!! This whirl-o-matic just had a nuclear meltdown!!
Startrek:
You Earth people glorified organized violence for forty centuries. But
you imprison those who employ it privately.
-- Spock, "Dagger of the Mind", stardate 2715.1
translate-me:
semper en excretus
Wisdom:
Brahma said: Well, after hearing ten thousand explanations, a fool is no
wiser. But an intelligent man needs only two thousand five hundred.
-- The Mahabharata
Tao:
Those who know do not talk.
Those who talk do not know.
Keep your mouth closed.
Guard your senses.
Temper your sharpness.
Simplify your problems.
Mask your brightness.
Be at one with the dust of the Earth.
This is primal union.
He who has achieved this state
Is unconcerned with friends and enemies,
With good and harm, with honor and disgrace.
This therefore is the highest state of man.
root{(at)}optix.io
